Making Yourself Useful: Service Submission 101
Both myself and other professional Dominant women I know are frequently contacted by folks looking to “serve us.” Many people think service involves offering sexual activities and/or being on hand to receive free play in the form they desire. While this can certainly be a part of service some Dommes seek, most professionals I know are seeking a wider range of services that make our lives easier and more fulfilling.
Not only do many people in and out of the lifestyle have a limited understanding of what service submission really looks like, but also what it looks like for the specific individual they’re contacting. What one Mistress is seeking for service can differ vastly from others depending on their life and business circumstances. That said, the general areas of service most professionals are seeking are:
- Domestic – grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.
- Financial – providing funds, purchasing things for you or your business, etc.
- General – running errands, chauffeuring, emotional support, handyman, etc.
- Sexual – personal desires, business opportunities (bulls for cuckcolding), etc.
- Skilled – massage, web design, photography/videography, editing, etc.
It took me some time and a bit of trial and error with some of my service subs to determine what types of service bring me the most satisfaction and fulfillment from a D/s perspective. What I discovered is that I enjoy service that saves me time/effort amidst a hectic schedule (someone running errands, cleaning my space, cooking, chauffeuring, etc.), brings me physical pleasure/stress alleviation (massage – a personal favorite), mental/emotional pleasure (providing me with coffee, food, or gifts), or service that helps me evolve my business (photography, copyediting, etc.).
I also learned along the way what my limits are when it comes to receiving service, as well as what my submissives can expect from me for their efforts. I know many submissives who serve Dominants enjoy more of our time and attention, our mentorship, our guidance, our practice, and ultimately get to know more about us beyond the guise of our work. That said, I expect a great deal from those who serve me. If I am willing to invest my time in training someone and accepting them into my world as a submissive amidst balancing a plethora of relationships, a chaotic schedule, business matters, my personal life, etc. – I expect that person to not only serve me in the ways I desire, but to also serve themselves. I expect them to be introspective about what they desire, honest in their communication, consistent, trustworthy, patient, and generally a good human being as they represent me.
If, in considering the above information you are still interested in seeking out a service role with a professional Domme, see my tips below on applying to be of service.
TIPS FOR CONTACTING A PROFESSIONAL DOMME ABOUT APPLYING FOR SERVICE:
- Know what you are seeking from, and what you are able to bring to a D/s service relationship and be able to openly and honestly communicate that.
- See if the person you desire to serve is seeking a service submissive. First check their website, social media, Fetlife account, etc. to see if they’ve recently posted an open call for submissives.
- If the person has not posted an open call, contact them directly asking if they are in need of a service submissive, and if so, how one might go about applying for such a position (respectfully, and if you want to improve your chances of connecting, with a gift from their wish list). If they do not need service submissives at this time, thank them for their time and wish them well (if they ever do change their mind, they may just reach out with such a respectful response).
- If they request what you bring to the table as a service submissive, be sure to respond with: the unique and helpful skills you bring to the table, your level of flexibility when it comes to being able to serve, why you would enjoy serving them (be specific and descriptive), and whatever other information they may have requested. Be sure to have an understanding of their lifestyle, their brand, and anything else that may give you a leg up on other potential applicants (this should be treated like a job interview!).
- Be willing to balance your needs and expectations with those of the Mistress you desire to serve. Be honest with yourself and the Dominant to ensure the right fit. Wasting their time and your time is equally frustrating.
- If you are deemed incompatible for any reason throughout this process – be respectful and understanding. Word travels among Dommes and while you may not be the right fit for one, you may be referred to others if your reputation precedes you.
I have had the pleasure of being in several wonderful and fulfilling relationships with service submissives over the years. A relationship between a Domme and a service submissive can be an absolutely amazing gift for both parties if both parties are clear in defining what they’re seeking from the relationship, establish healthy boundaries, and communicate honestly with one another if desires or expectations are not being met. The better the fit you can be to a Domme’s life (a healthy balance of desires, expectations, and deliverables on both sides) and the more time/energy you add to our lives, the more longevity and fulfillment you may find in a Mistress/service sub relationship.
Wishing you all the best of luck in finding what you seek!
I recently had the pleasure of collaring one of my long-term service submissives, my Magasaurus (my nickname for her), at the end of my birthday month on a trip to Las Vegas. This trip was her idea – a gift to me that we could both enjoy. After having discussed what my collar meant on several occasions prior to the trip, I popped the question (“will you wear my collar?”) and she said “yes!”
NOTE: Not all those looking to be served desire to collar their service folks, nor do all service folks seek a collar. If a collar is something you seek from a Dominant – ask what a collar means to them before you choose to pursue it.